Dumb. Smart.

Well it finally happened.  I turned 30.  When I was 15, I never, ever thought that I would be 30 years old.  It seemed like it was an unimaginable age.  When I was 20, I was never going to be 30.  I was strong as an ox.  I could go into the gym and constantly make gains.  My form would be crap and the programming was garbage but the numbers would still go up. I could eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted because when the time comes I could just "take it off".  The "old timers" would give me advice on do this and do that, and I would just brush it off be cause I was twenty-something.  I was INVINCIBLE. 

I was stupid.

Let's take a little trip back in time shall we?

At 25 years old I was almost 400 pounds with no idea on how to "take it off".  I was full blown fat.  I was what I wanted to be.  A "strongman".  I did what I wanted to do, I accomplished a goal - but there was still an astounding lack of intelligence on my part.

Any form of programming in the gym was nil and my GPP was in the toilet.  To give you an idea on how out of shape I was, I could barely tie my shoes, walk up a flight of stairs or run more than 10 feet without having to take a break.  I would be red as a tomato and sweating bacon grease.  Let's put it this way, I couldn't even jump to a conclusion.  Late in 2009 I lost my desk job which was the catalyst that started this whole thing.

Fast forward three years and I have dropped about 85 pounds.  I'm a personal trainer and doing what I love to do.  I feel better about myself and am still strong - this was an absolute obsession of mine for many, MANY years.  I didn't care what I looked like, I didn't care about aesthetics.  All I cared about was the number on the bar.  Totals, man.  Totals.

5/3/1 was the program to beat all programs.  My life revolved around 45 pound plates, my power belt, and chalk.  Biceps curls were stupid.  If you weren't squatting, benching or deadlifting, you were useless. So what that I was still over 300 on the scale.  My total (there's that word again) was over 1500!  Raw!  The thought of "saucing up" went through my mind on a fairly regular basis, and I thought that this was the ONLY way to workout.

It's now 2013, only a year later.  I get a wild notion that I, Kyle Brann, formerly obese strongman turned 5/3/1 powerlifting disciple am going to do a bodybuilding show in October.  Not just any bodybuilding show.  A natural bodybuilding show.  I haven't "dieted" in years.  Let me be honest.  I hadn't dieted ever.  When I first went to see a nutritionist I weighed 311 pounds.   I had a stipulation too, if I can't be ready by October (it was April), I will never be ready.  Hello stupidity, nice to meet you.

Here we are, 2015.  You've all read (hopefully) about my journey so far.  You've read about the trials and tribulations that have come my way.  Different nutritionists, injuries, and set-backs.  Motivation and lack-there-of.  Different training splits, my weight goes up, my weight goes down.  I track my macros, I track my training.  More cardio, less cardio.  Egg whites and broccoli.  Pop Tarts and peanut butter.  Blah blah blah.  Things are different.  They've changed.  For the good.

It has been the wildest ride of my life.  I can't even begin to contain it with words.  I wish I can explain how badly I wish I knew then what I know now.  And keep in mind, I'm still very, very green at bodybuilding.  I am doing the absolute best that I possibly can with the tools that have been provided to me.  And am very grateful for all the knowledge that has been presented to me.

To give you an idea on how much things have changed for me since I started this journey I'm currently in a reverse diet (a few years ago I didn't even know what that was).  I'm eating carbs.  A lot of carbs.  Which for any of you who have been carb depleted know, is a lot more fun than NOT eating carbs.  I don't need 400+ grams of protein per day, and there is no need to do five to six hour of cardio per week.

I no longer am "chasing a show".  For the longest time I thought it went a little something like this:  "There's a show on XX/XX/XX, so I'm going to start dieting down on XX/XX/XX.  Get my training in order and I'll slap some Dream Tan on and BOOM!"  Sorry to say it doesn't work like that.  I wish it did, because I would have been on stage by now.  I would've looked like a complete idiot, but I would have done it. 

I'm hurt.  I hurt all the time now.  10 years of carrying around A LOT of excess weight and some of the worst form you'd ever see have left me with constant hip and low-back pain.  My knees ache - also weight related.  My elbows hurt when I do chin-ups and if I'm not warm, I can't train.  Ask anyone who lifts with me, I typically do a minimum of 3-4 warm-up sets on almost everything.  My warm-ups may take a while, you may be tired before we start the work sets, but your joints won't be in agony when you wake up.  Remember those "old timers"?  I should've listened.

Squatting and deadlifting, two of my most favorite things don't happen as often as I would like them to anymore.  With the pain in my back (that has gotten worse over the past two months or so) I can't do them as much.  So I have been doing a ton of squat variations, and Trap Bar deadlifting is awesome!  It's all a matter of training around and not through.  Training through gets you were I am now.  Hurt.

One of the most important things that I have learned is make it a part of your life.  Don't let it consume your life.  Family first.  A very best friend of mine says that all the time.  It's OK to have your macros on point, it's OK to make time in your schedule for gym time - even double sessions if you need to, but don't sacrifice your family for it.  I recently got engaged to Kate.  She is my world.  If I didn't have her all I would have is the gym.  I love the gym.  It doesn't love me back.  Kate does.  I'll let that sink in for a second.

Have fun.  At the end of the day, this is never going to be my career.  I don't think that bodybuilding is ever going to pay my bills.  At least COMPETING in bodybuilding won't pay my bills.  I have dreams and aspirations.  I have goals, but I want this journey to be something that I can pass on.  I want to inspire people.  I want to be a reason (not THE reason) someone decides to change their lifestyle.  If it's "work", if you feel like you "have to" do it, then I think that you're not doing it right. 

Training has always been something that I WANT to do.  I WANT to go to the gym I WANT to track my macros.  If I HAD to go to the gym, if I HAD to track my food I think that this would be a blog about what kind of soup I made on Monday, not how I have 150 grams of carbs left today and how I did pit squats last weekend...

Until next time, stay strong.

~Brann