Failure. The Key to Succes.

I was hoping to be writing of some sort of success from Granite State Open. I was hoping to write that despite all my obstacles I was able to step on stage and give it my all.

It's a good thing that I said I wasn't afraid to fail, because I did. I fell way short of my goal of the GSO.

Now, that's not due to lack of effort, or poor diet.  There wasn't anything I could have done better or done different.  This is a journey - a long one - and I can't lose sight of the fact that I am coming from near morbid obesity to try and be a bodybuilder. But it doesn't make the failure any less painful.

When I decided to do this, I had one single vision in my head. Stepping on stage with my best friend Jason.  An illusion of grandeur maybe, but it was the vision that I had. I didn't make it, and he place very well and almost won the whole damn show.

That was not a statement of jealousy, it was a statement of pride and a statement of how much more it made me want it.  The fact that I could not be up there digs at me. It makes me think about how much I actually want this.

Typically this blog is just a nonsensical rant of whatever is on my mind at the time.  This time around, its different.  It's not funny. It's not nonsensical. 

I have seen where I want to be.  I know how I need to train to get there.  I'm learning all I can about nutrition to make my body do what most people can't, gain muscle and lose fat.  I am going to go even harder in the gym, and be even more strict on my eating. Though I have failed, I am not giving up. I am not surrendering.  I am not going to say bodybuilding isn't for me, tuck my tail and run. No, this is a passion, and come hell or high water, I will step on that stage.

A good thing that came from my not competing at the GSO, was being backstage. I have been there with Jay several times and each time it becomes more and more useful.  The people you meet, the stories you hear, and the inspiration you get make you want it even more.  These men and women do what most people dream of, and on the day of their competition, to look me in the eye and tell me that I CAN do it. That I CAN succeed. That one day it WILL be me on stage.  It lights a fire that cannot be described with words.

And please remember this, no matter what your goal may be, never quit.  Nothing makes me angrier than hearing that someone just quit.  People who I literally have nothing invested in tell me that they decided not to run that 5k, tell me that they will compete in a show or meet when they feel ready (which typically is never), tell me that they can't eat a certain way because their schedule "just won't let me", I get a little angry inside. Quitting is easy. Succeeding is not.

Never take the easy way. It may seem like  its not a big deal, and perhaps you do have every intention of finishing what you start, but actually finishing, actually succeeding is much more satisfying then the temporary feeling of relief. The road to the top is not straight up and down. But it is worth the time. It's worth the blood sweat and tears. The grind is where character is made.

To those friends and my family who have supported me this far, and the new friends who I met and breathed new life into my goal, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea what it means to me. I am honored and privileged to have you on my journey with me.

This is just the beginning my friends. Stay tuned, its about to get serious.

Stay strong,

-Brann

Progression, Manliness & Father's Day

As I'm typing this I'm just over 130 days out of my show.  Holy crap.  You want to talk about being nervous?  I was playing it all cool until the entry packet showed up in my email.  Now I'm basically losing my mind.  But I'm not afraid to fail.  I have recently listened to a speech made by a fairly well-known bodybuilder by the name of Arnold Schwarzenegger.  He said that you can't be afraid to fail.

Let's be honest here.  I am down from about 400 pounds.  I had been powerlifting for about 2 years and just decided, basically on a whim, to enter a bodybuilding show.  I had never even done an official pose until about 6 months ago.  I didn't know a lot about it (and still have a lot to learn).  I am as green as they come.
To walk into the GSO and expect to take the Mr. Novice title would be a dream come true.  Is it going to happen?  Probably not.  Am I going in there expecting to lose?  No.  I'm just being realistic.  I just want to go in and let them know just who Kyle Brann is.  So I am not afraid to fail.  This is my stepping stone.

With all that being said, I am still dieting down like a mad man.  Steps have been made, and progress has been made.  I'm eating just a hair over 2000 calories a day, and I'm doing cardio six days per week.  Aren't you jealous? 

It is working.  Lots of people have commented and they're positivity and kind words help me a lot.  The measurements and scale are giving me numbers that I am quite fond of and Mike (my nutritionist) is psyched for me.  It seems like I am making progress -- though sometimes it feels like I'm just spinning my wheels.

But that's the way it goes sometimes.  Every day can't be a winner.  You just have to suck it up and work harder.  Be more strict on your diet.  By no means am I saying that this is easy.  It's not.  If it were, everyone would do it.  Everyone would be running marathons, and benching their bodyweight for reps.  Everyone would have shredded abs, and their diets would be clean.  There would be no McDonald's, no Dairy Queens, and no cake on your birthday.  People like me and the gym that I work at would be out of business and offices would close for 2 hours a day so all the employees could go for their lunch time jog.  But this is not the world we live in.

Our world is not easy and to succeed, you have to bust your ass, all the time.  It's getting up at 4:00 in the morning to do your cardio.  It's not saying "I worked out today," so I can have that scoop of ice cream.  It's putting 100 percent into your workout even though you feel weak and you don't want to be in the gym.  Nobody ever go anywhere by quitting.  Remember that guy who quit?  Neither do I.

You frequently hear the expression "man up".  Even girls say this, which I find to be confusing and odd.  It is physically impossible for a woman to man up -- unless she is taking some testosterone supplements then I'm sure you will have that deeper voice and chest hair in no time.  But when it comes to manning up and being a man, I have a few things that I have deemed necessary in order to be considered a man.  They are as follows:

Lift weights.  This is a manly activity, one that I and a lot of my friends engage in frequently. Now I'm not saying that you have to set a world record on bench press, or squat 1000 pounds, but for goodness sake, grab a pair (of dumbbells) and lift them.  In fact, lifting had been my main source of manliness for several years now.  Accepted substitutions for lifting weights are big game hunting, alligator wrestling, lumberjack-ing, and various other dangerous outdoor activities engaged by flannel-clad dudes with beards.
Grow facial hair. There is nothing that screams 'I am a man!' quite as loud as a beard. Other forms of facial hair are acceptable.  Just grow something and if you're going to have just a mustache, make it a handle-bar, put some wax in it or at the very least shave it into the shape of the Barman symbol.  If you don't, a moustache can be just plain ol' creepy.
Fix, solve, rebuild.  I am not handy, but I can make somethings work.  Every man should have the ability to fix something.  I don't care if its getting the bathroom door to stop squeaking or re-assembly of a turbine engine, find a problem, and fix it. If you can't fix it, rebuild it.  Use duct tape and a hammer.  I've found both of those to be invaluable tools.
Drive a stick. This one can apply to rules of being a woman as well (though I have not made this list yet).  Everyone should be able to drive any car.  Now I'm not saying that you can jump out of your buddy's civic and hop in the cockpit of an F-16, but you get the picture.  Knowing how to drive a standard can be your last alternative to getting home or standing outside a bar in the Dirty Lew when you're the DD and your friends car is a 5 speed -- this is of course assuming that you don't have any money for cab fare, and who wants to leave their car, alone, overnight, in Lewiston?

So, now that I have finished pontificating like a boar, let me remind you that Father's Day is right around the corner.  I have always looked up to my dad.  Even though I'm sure I have been a turd minimally three-billion times to him, he has always been proud of me and stood behind me no matter what the circumstance.  For a long time he was Kyle Brann's Dad.  Now I'm known as Gene Brann's son, and that makes me proud as hell.  My Dad has always been the manliest man that I have ever known, and personally I don't think that John Wayne holds a candle to him when it comes to being a man.

This still rings true today.  I still see my dad as this jacked-up dude who can fix anything, lift anything, solve any problem, drive any vehicle, laugh in the face of danger, and grow one of the gnarliest beards I have ever seen.  In my eyes, my dad will always fall somewhere between a lumberjack and Rambo when it comes to manliness.

So, I dedicate this blog to my Father.  I hope that I can be half the man you are someday Dad.  When it comes to my rules on manliness, you set the bar.  Happy Father's Day.

Until next time.
-Brann

Kate moves out...for a week.

"Tell Kate she might want to get her own apartment for a few days."

Those words came from Mike Foley, my nutritionist and a very knowledgeable, motivating man.  As I had reported in earlier posts, I had begun to hit a wall with my diet.  This was expected.  What was not expected was the dip into, nay, dive into calories that I have experienced in the past few weeks. 

Gone were the days of 12 ounces of chicken and 10 ounces of beef.  Gone were the salads that I had grew to enjoy so much at the end of the day.  Say hello to a cup of broccoli and two cups of Egg Beaters.  For some of you that may sound like a lot of food, but to me it barely made me not hungry any more.

To say that I was testy, would be a  HUGE understatement.  If Kate didn't want to get her own apartment, I wanted to get one of my own.  I was an ogre.  I hated everything and everyone.  Guess it makes sense when you take 1000 calories out of your diet you become grumpy. (Kate didn't move out, but did call me a few names.  Give you a hint, one of them rhymes with cash mole.)

However the dive in to my caloric pool worked.  Eight pounds in a week.  Poof like some mystic form of fat magic, it was gone.  It's actually not magic.  It's the basic premise of weight loss.  Caloric output greater than caloric intake equals weight (body fat) loss.  For those of you who are math nerds allow me to make an equation for you:  CO>CI=-W(BF).  Or something like that.

As for my training, high volume is still ruling in the gym.  Working my butt off for more reps and trying to keep the weights high.  Not the easiest thing losing weight and keeping strength.  One can only serve two masters for so long before something has to give. 

I knew getting into this that my strength was going to suffer, but I didn't think it would effect me mentally as much as it did.  For someone who -for a long time- considered 8-10 reps as "high reps" doing anything above 12 just down right blows, and the weight that I put up for those reps is significantly lower than the PR breaking numbers I had put up in years past.  Aesthetics are wonderful but a bruised ego hurts for a while.

This brings me to my next point.  It was something I knew for a long time but I am finding more and more that people need to check there ego at the door when they walk into the gym.   Everyone is there for themselves, not you.  So, believe me when I say nobody is watching you workout.  If you do something impressive, maybe they are, maybe.  But if you're constantly trying to do something impressive, nobody cares. So you can stop looking around after you drop the dumbbells that were too heavy for you in the first place.  Excessive grunting is just annoying for everyone in the gym, it makes you look like a tool and is a sign of a low IQ.  If you don't know how to do something, ask.  You want people to look at you at the gym? Doing bicep curls on the leg extension machine is one way to do it.

These are just some of the things that drive me nuts.  I'm no better than any one else, and neither are you.  I applaud you for coming in the gym, the hardest lift of all is your butt off the couch, but don't make my gym time suck because you want to show the cutie on the stretch mat how much you can bench.  Chances are she can do 135, on the Smith, with a spotter too.

Maybe I'm still a little grumpy from my diet change...

Til next time.

-Brann