Seeing What Sticks

I received a message from a friend the other day suggesting that perhaps I should write a new blog.  It has been a long time since I've actually sat down and tried to write something like this - that's not to say that I haven't tried.  There have been many times that I sat down and banged out a few paragraphs that were utter crap, and I just sat staring at the blinking cursor for minutes, hours...

Initially when I started writing these, I thought that it might be a weekly, bi-weekly or monthly installment of me being an obese guy becoming a bodybuilder.  It is most certainly a great story - on paper (or the internet).  But as I've walked this path for what is pushing five years now, I have to say that perhaps this story isn't going to have the ending that I wanted.

Making this weekly or bi-weekly is impossible for me.  I don't have the time, the energy or the ideas to make this worth while.  I know that none of you want to read what I eat every day, how I train every day, or what my weigh-in was.  Because no matter how hard I try, I cannot make those things fascinating or funny all the time.  It just can't happen.

I was obese.  That is something that has been written about and documented with photography, though most of those photos no longer exist.  Originally when I began writing these, I thought that my heaviest weight had been 397 pounds.  But the more I think about it, I actually think I remember seeing 407 on the scale.  I really cannot back that up, but perhaps a call to my doctor could make this fact instead of fiction.  I'm way off topic here.

In being as heavy as I was, it left me with a lot, I meal A LOT of excess skin.  Does that sound gross?  Whatever, you don't have to deal with it.  But the fact of the matter is that if I want to compete in and do well in bodybuilding, I would have to have some sort of skin removal surgery.  And the bottom line is I don't want to do that.  I can't afford it, I don't have time for the recovery, and I don't want to deal with that kind of pain.

You may have noticed that I said compete in and do well in bodybuilding.  I say that because if you don't want to be the best in what you're doing, why are you doing it at all?  If something is worth doing, do it right.

So before I move on, I'm going to write something that I've only told a handful of people.  Not like it's going to make press or anything, but I don't think that bodybuilding is for me.

I have nothing but respect and admiration for my friends who have or are going to compete in some form of bodybuilding event.  Maybe in another life, if I get a do-over, I can tell the younger me not to be such a man-bear-pig and take it easy on the Wendy's and do some more cardio.  But for now, I want to program my nutrition for a victory for me.  I want to train the way I want to train and have fun in the gym again.  I'm still going to set goals.  I'm still going to work, and work hard for them.  But the stage is a goal that I am not going to chase any longer.  At least not for a long time.

Jim Wendler posted something on his blog a while ago where he wrote a letter to his younger self.  I thought that was an awesome idea, so I'm kind of stealing it.  But, if I were to write a letter to my younger self using the same time frame Jim did, I would be 12.  Twelve year old me would have zero fascination to what I would tell him, nor would he read the letter.  He would tell Mom and Dad he did read it and try to fake it when he was quizzed on it.

The idea is still good, so maybe what I should do is just submit a bunch of things for a younger Kyle to read through.  It's not in letter format so what I'm doing is throwing a bunch of crap at the wall, and really hoping some of it will stick.

A younger Kyle, with no crap stuck to his wall.

TRAINING

-It's fantastic that you're into weightlifting.  But you're not going to be Ronnie Coleman, Kai Greene, Lou Ferrigno or Arnold.  Just because you train for a month, 6 months, a year, you're not any of these guys.  Don't act like you are.

-You WANT to be strong but you NEED be smart.  Read, research and find a program that will work for you.  Once you're on it, stick with it for AT LEAST 6 weeks.  If you don't see some results, start from square one.  Read, research and start again.

-Dave Tate, Jim Wendler, John Meadows, Joe DeFranco, Jim Smith.  Look them up, read their work.  You'll probably be impressed.

-Don't.  Skip.  Cardio.

-Don't.  Skip.  Cardio.

-Don't.  Skip.  Cardio.  See where I'm going with this?  But, under any circumstances do not rely on cardio for "weight" loss.  Use it as a tool for fat loss.

-Train hard.  Train smart.  These are not mutually exclusive ideas.

NUTRITION
-Stop justifying the food that you eat.  You're not training the right way to eat the amount of calories you're taking in.  Just because it has a lot of protein doesn't mean that its the right thing for you to eat.  Half a jar of peanut butter is not a snack.  Sun Chips are not a "healthy carb source".  A triple from Wendy's has 70 grams of protein.  It also has 72 grams of fat and 36 grams of carbs.  And you're eating two of them.  Bro.  Srs?

- Two liters of water isn't enough.  You're not going to get the rest of your water from energy drinks.  Yeah they taste good, but they have 70 grams of sugar.  Cut back on the E.D. and up your water intake.

-Eat before you workout.  Eat after you workout.  This is not negotiable.

-You can eat shit food sometimes.  SOMETIMES.  Counting macros works.  This is science.  Find out what your macros are and understand them.

-If you want to be less fat, you need to focus on your nutrition.

-Eat for your success.  Don't diet.

LIFE
-Stop watching so damn much TV.  98% of what you watch is absolute crap.  Of whats left 1% is nothing but lies, and the other 1% is reasonable to watch.  Please keep in mind that there is a 1% margin or error.

-Life is hard.  It's always going to be hard.  Focus on the good things.  It's the good things that keep you going.  It's the good things that make life worth living.

-Read.  Find a book you like and plow through it.  Then find another one.  And another.  It will make your mind smarter.  Remember what we said about training hard and smart.  Make that thing between your head strong as your body.

-You are going to struggle with your weight all your life.  You're going to feel good about yourself, and you're most certainly going to feel bad about yourself.  Stop having pity parties.  Fight through it.

-Acquaintances come and go.  Let them.  Friends are forever.  Sounds like something seventh grade girls would say to each other, but it's true.  You will know who your friends are.

-Taking care of yourself isn't selfish.  Taking care of your family and friends isn't selfish.  Do whats right for you and yours.  Period.

-Stay away from drama and people who feed off of it.  You will get sucked into that vortex and getting out is pretty damn tough.

-Some things are going to suck.  Some things are going to really suck.  Some things are going to really suck A LOT.  But, at the end of the day, you've been fed, you've got a home, and you have a wife that loves you.  Those three things can make the worst day the best day.

-You don't look good in hats.

An older Kyle, will all this crap stuck to his wall.

I think that's enough for now.  If you managed to suffer through this to get to the end, I most certainly appreciate it.  Perhaps it's not my best work, but then again maybe it is.  I don't know.  I'm a horrible critic of my own stuff. 

Until next time, stay strong.
~Brann

S.D.M.F.

A lot has happened since I sat down and wrote my last blog.  I have gained weight and I have lost weight.  I'm always meticulously counting my macros.  My workouts have sucked, and then my workouts have gotten better.  I have changed jobs...again.  Kate and I are closer to being married. And I am best friends with an IFPA Pro Bodybuilder.  That's right.  Jason Childs went three for three with his shows and won his pro card.  And then won a pro show.  The guy's a freak.

I'm very proud of him not just because he won.  Because he did it all while balancing work, being a loving husband, and one of the best fathers I have ever seen.  He has also introduced me to some great people who are helping me on my journey.  These guys and gals have become such great supporters and friends.  They are all very driven and motivated people.  Surround yourself with like-minded people and greatness will happen.

Not to get sappy, but Jason said something to me when he won his last show that really meant a lot to me.  Kate wasn't able to make it to this show.  I was the only one there that didn't have his significant other.  I made a joke when we took the group picture and said, "here's fifth wheel Kyle".  After the picture was taken Jason hugged me, smeared my shirt with Dream Tan and said words that I will never forget.

"You are not a fifth wheel ever.  You belong here."  Simple words, with huge impact and meaning.  

Now then, lets dive in.  I like heavy metal music.  You probably know this by now.  Black Label Society has a song called S.D.M.F. and the words give me inspiration.  SDMF has become part of my life, though I have tweaked it a bit.  I took out the 'merciless' and replaced it with 'motivation'.  Though merciless has its place - you'll see what I mean.

What does each of these words mean to me?  Quite a bit actually.  Each one has a multitude of meanings that help shape my life.  Make no mistake, I have not shaped my life after a heavy metal song, my wardrobe maybe but not my life.  

Strength
What is true strength?  Does it mean being able to lift X number of pounds off the floor, push X number of pounds off your chest/over your head or squat X number of pounds for reps?  Yes.  Does true strength mean grinding out two or three more reps at the end of your last set?  Yes.  Does true strength mean doing that extra set or that last 10 minutes of cardio?  Yes.  In my mind that is true strength.  But, strength is also the ability to say no to cheating on your diet.  Strength is drinking water or a diet soda when all your friends are having beer/wine or whatever.  Strength is eating your pre-made meal out of your Tupperware when all your friends at work ordered Domino's.  For someone who has struggled with overeating their whole life, I think that latter is what true strength is.

Does that sound stupid?  It kind of is.  But not everyone has ever sought refuge in food.  I have.  There are days that food is a non-issue for me.  There are days where I can just use food for what it truly is, fuel.  That's not to say that I don't like to enjoy eating it, but it really is just fuel.  For the day, for the workouts, to replenish after the workout, you know, all that crap. 

But there are days that I walk down the aisle in the grocery stores and cravings hit so hard that it's almost undeniable.  It's like my brain shuts off and my emotions take over.  I want to get whatever I want to eat, take it home, eat it (ALL OF IT), and then I sit there in the reality of my failure with shame and crumbs on my now distended gut, and realize how weak I actually was.

Bottom line is be strong.  Lift your weights.  Do your cardio.  Don't cheat on your diet (by that I mean eat within your boundaries not clean eating VS IIFYM - holy crap I don't need to have this discussion AGAIN).  Do what you need to do.

Determination 

This is an easy one to define.  Set a damn goal and go for it.  Know what you need to and do it.  Know how you need to lift, and lift that way.  Know what you need to do for cardio and do it.  Follow YOUR diet.  Get smarter.  Get help.  Ask questions.

If this means getting up at 4AM to do your cardio, do it.  If it means doing all your meal prep Sunday nights, do it.  True determination means sticking to your guns, putting your head phones in and grinding out your workouts, eating your meals and wading through all the bullshit.  Believe me, there is a lot of it.

Determination isn't something you can fake - you can't go through the motions.  You can clearly tell the difference between the truly determined, and those who aren't.  Typically the person who IS determined doesn't say a whole lot about it.  They just do it.  The person who IS NOT determined will more than happily tell you about how determined they are but will secretly over or under eat, sluff off with their meal prep, will skip workouts (especially leg day), give their cardio the brush off and spends a majority of their time in the gym chatting up the front desk staff and scrolling the news feed on a bench.

Motivation/Merciless

Me with IFPA Pro & Pink fan, Jason Childs

OK, so we actually can put motivation up with determination.  One who is truly motivated will do all the things that I listed above, or their own version of it.  The reason I say that, is because my goals are different than his, and hers, and probably yours.  There is no master plan.  There is more than one way to achieve victory...I digress...

Motivation is something that comes from within.  It's not watching a bunch of clips on YouTube.  It's not that one song that you need to put on.  It's not the poster of Arnold, or Tom Brady or whomever.  At the end of the day, your motivation comes from you.  I'm not saying that those things don't help motivate you.  If you need to picture yourself as Arnold or TB12 to do your best, do it.  If you need to listen to Just Give Me A Reason by Pink and that dude from FUN - I'm looking at you Jason Childs - do it.  But those are just fuel to your fire.  YOU need to be the spark.

Merciless is different.  There are only two things that I am truly merciless with:  my time and my diet.  I sacrifice sleep, family time, and outings with friends because I need to get my lift or cardio or both for the day.  I sacrifice cakes, pies, pizza, beer because sometimes you just can't make them fit your macros - sometimes you can.  Is that what merciless truly is?  Probably not.  But sometimes people have to realize that you will do whatever it takes to accomplish a goal.  I want to be a bodybuilder.  Period.  I will be merciless and do what I have to do.

Forever
When I say FOREVER at the end SDMF I think that means your committed to being strong FOREVER.  You're committed to being determined FOREVER and you will be motivated and merciless FOREVER.

Forever is a very, very long time.  It's it.  There's nothing longer than forever.  Someday, I think that we all will find out just how long forever actually is, but until then I'm just going to keep counting my macros, lifting heavy crap and sweating balls on the StairMaster.

S.D.M.F.
-Brann

Team Grit - Where I Belong

Dumb. Smart.

Well it finally happened.  I turned 30.  When I was 15, I never, ever thought that I would be 30 years old.  It seemed like it was an unimaginable age.  When I was 20, I was never going to be 30.  I was strong as an ox.  I could go into the gym and constantly make gains.  My form would be crap and the programming was garbage but the numbers would still go up. I could eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted because when the time comes I could just "take it off".  The "old timers" would give me advice on do this and do that, and I would just brush it off be cause I was twenty-something.  I was INVINCIBLE. 

I was stupid.

Let's take a little trip back in time shall we?

At 25 years old I was almost 400 pounds with no idea on how to "take it off".  I was full blown fat.  I was what I wanted to be.  A "strongman".  I did what I wanted to do, I accomplished a goal - but there was still an astounding lack of intelligence on my part.

Any form of programming in the gym was nil and my GPP was in the toilet.  To give you an idea on how out of shape I was, I could barely tie my shoes, walk up a flight of stairs or run more than 10 feet without having to take a break.  I would be red as a tomato and sweating bacon grease.  Let's put it this way, I couldn't even jump to a conclusion.  Late in 2009 I lost my desk job which was the catalyst that started this whole thing.

Fast forward three years and I have dropped about 85 pounds.  I'm a personal trainer and doing what I love to do.  I feel better about myself and am still strong - this was an absolute obsession of mine for many, MANY years.  I didn't care what I looked like, I didn't care about aesthetics.  All I cared about was the number on the bar.  Totals, man.  Totals.

5/3/1 was the program to beat all programs.  My life revolved around 45 pound plates, my power belt, and chalk.  Biceps curls were stupid.  If you weren't squatting, benching or deadlifting, you were useless. So what that I was still over 300 on the scale.  My total (there's that word again) was over 1500!  Raw!  The thought of "saucing up" went through my mind on a fairly regular basis, and I thought that this was the ONLY way to workout.

It's now 2013, only a year later.  I get a wild notion that I, Kyle Brann, formerly obese strongman turned 5/3/1 powerlifting disciple am going to do a bodybuilding show in October.  Not just any bodybuilding show.  A natural bodybuilding show.  I haven't "dieted" in years.  Let me be honest.  I hadn't dieted ever.  When I first went to see a nutritionist I weighed 311 pounds.   I had a stipulation too, if I can't be ready by October (it was April), I will never be ready.  Hello stupidity, nice to meet you.

Here we are, 2015.  You've all read (hopefully) about my journey so far.  You've read about the trials and tribulations that have come my way.  Different nutritionists, injuries, and set-backs.  Motivation and lack-there-of.  Different training splits, my weight goes up, my weight goes down.  I track my macros, I track my training.  More cardio, less cardio.  Egg whites and broccoli.  Pop Tarts and peanut butter.  Blah blah blah.  Things are different.  They've changed.  For the good.

It has been the wildest ride of my life.  I can't even begin to contain it with words.  I wish I can explain how badly I wish I knew then what I know now.  And keep in mind, I'm still very, very green at bodybuilding.  I am doing the absolute best that I possibly can with the tools that have been provided to me.  And am very grateful for all the knowledge that has been presented to me.

To give you an idea on how much things have changed for me since I started this journey I'm currently in a reverse diet (a few years ago I didn't even know what that was).  I'm eating carbs.  A lot of carbs.  Which for any of you who have been carb depleted know, is a lot more fun than NOT eating carbs.  I don't need 400+ grams of protein per day, and there is no need to do five to six hour of cardio per week.

I no longer am "chasing a show".  For the longest time I thought it went a little something like this:  "There's a show on XX/XX/XX, so I'm going to start dieting down on XX/XX/XX.  Get my training in order and I'll slap some Dream Tan on and BOOM!"  Sorry to say it doesn't work like that.  I wish it did, because I would have been on stage by now.  I would've looked like a complete idiot, but I would have done it. 

I'm hurt.  I hurt all the time now.  10 years of carrying around A LOT of excess weight and some of the worst form you'd ever see have left me with constant hip and low-back pain.  My knees ache - also weight related.  My elbows hurt when I do chin-ups and if I'm not warm, I can't train.  Ask anyone who lifts with me, I typically do a minimum of 3-4 warm-up sets on almost everything.  My warm-ups may take a while, you may be tired before we start the work sets, but your joints won't be in agony when you wake up.  Remember those "old timers"?  I should've listened.

Squatting and deadlifting, two of my most favorite things don't happen as often as I would like them to anymore.  With the pain in my back (that has gotten worse over the past two months or so) I can't do them as much.  So I have been doing a ton of squat variations, and Trap Bar deadlifting is awesome!  It's all a matter of training around and not through.  Training through gets you were I am now.  Hurt.

One of the most important things that I have learned is make it a part of your life.  Don't let it consume your life.  Family first.  A very best friend of mine says that all the time.  It's OK to have your macros on point, it's OK to make time in your schedule for gym time - even double sessions if you need to, but don't sacrifice your family for it.  I recently got engaged to Kate.  She is my world.  If I didn't have her all I would have is the gym.  I love the gym.  It doesn't love me back.  Kate does.  I'll let that sink in for a second.

Have fun.  At the end of the day, this is never going to be my career.  I don't think that bodybuilding is ever going to pay my bills.  At least COMPETING in bodybuilding won't pay my bills.  I have dreams and aspirations.  I have goals, but I want this journey to be something that I can pass on.  I want to inspire people.  I want to be a reason (not THE reason) someone decides to change their lifestyle.  If it's "work", if you feel like you "have to" do it, then I think that you're not doing it right. 

Training has always been something that I WANT to do.  I WANT to go to the gym I WANT to track my macros.  If I HAD to go to the gym, if I HAD to track my food I think that this would be a blog about what kind of soup I made on Monday, not how I have 150 grams of carbs left today and how I did pit squats last weekend...

Until next time, stay strong.

~Brann

Quit Digging

"If you find yourself in a hole, quit digging."  Roy Rogers said that.

I first saw that about two weeks ago, when I went in to do some cleaning at the restaurant that I used to work at.  Used to being the key phrase there.

This wasn't just any restaurant.  This was my restaurant.  Now, by mine, I mean that I was the head chef.  Kate was the general manager.  Her parents owned it.  We all put a lot of time, money and a whole lot of effort into it.  And I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt a whole lot when we locked the doors for the last time. 

Now, I'm not going to go into a lot of detail about it because the past is the past.  A combo of things led up to the inevitable closing; poor location, poor parking for customers, and struggling economy are just some of the things that made us shut down. 

I'm really trying to have a positive outlook in this whole situation, I was able to walk right back to my job at United Fitness, and I learned a lot of lessons about running a business.  I learned what a manager truly does, and I dare say that I really tested my grit - working countless hours in a sweltering kitchen to make sure every plate was as perfect as it could be. 

On a side note, if you have never worked in a kitchen, on a line, you don't know what suck is.  The ambient temperature some days was 130 degrees, your chef's coat is soaked and you barely have time to take a drink of water because the slips are stacking up.  Take into consideration that sometimes you are by yourself, or a man down, and that brings the suck up to 10.  Not to say its the toughest job in the world, far from it, but now I can see why a lot of chefs have a drink or 12 at the end of the night - I digress. 

Now taking that quote back into consideration, I believe that I can apply that to all aspects of my life.  I know that I can apply that to my nutrition.  As you well know, that nutrition has been a huge part of this journey that I am on, and write about it quite frequently.  I was in a hole, I stopped digging.  I had hit a massive stalling point in my weight loss.  I was eating egg whites and broccoli.  I was doing five to six cardio sessions per week.  My weight didn't change and my body fat percentage stayed exactly the same.  I found a new coach - a smarter coach - I guess you could say I started to climb out of the hole.

Now in a matter of weeks, my body fat dropped a point and my weight dipped and has gone back up, slightly, which I don't give a damn about.  But I feel better now than I have in months.  I'm doing minimal cardio and guess what, I'm eating carbs.  GASP!

I'm starting to really get an understanding about nutrition and applying it to your training, because at the end of the day, they do go hand in hand.

When it comes to training, I have started incorporating some new ideas, as well as some classic favorites (if you have never checked out Mountain Dog Training, you really should, it is by far, my most favorite "bodybuilding" type of workout I have tried) as well as some "fat burner" lifting sessions.  To shed a little light on that, "fat burner" lifting is high reps and lower weight with some high intensity cardio woven into it.  Out of the training hole.

Now the last hole I wanted to quit digging (and get the hell out of) was a negativity hole.  Sometimes you just find yourself adrift in a sea of suck.  Work sucks.  Your workouts suck.  Your dinner sucks.  The guy in the silver Honda Civic in front of you at the traffic light with the 'Id rather be driving' bumper sticker sucks too.  You don't know him, but he sucks.  No matter what side of the bed you get up on, your day is just going to be complete and utter crap.

Now, you can change this.  You can get up and just let all the problems of the world roll off your back and slap a smile on your face.  Sound corny?  That's because it is.  You don't need to go out and try to set the world on fire.  You don't need to make the world all sunshine and rainbows.  You just need to get up, and do what you need to do.

Do your job to the best of your ability.  Whether you are flipping burgers at McDonald's or you are the CEO of a bank.  Be the best damn burger flipper that Ronald has ever seen. 

You  don't need to look like Arnold at the end of every workout.  Its leg day, and you're tired, and you ate like crap today, and you don't want to go the gym.  But you do because its on your way home.  You walk in, you do some squats, leg extensions, leg curls and some lunges.  The workout sucked and you felt weak, but you know what, you did it any way.  It's better than just going home (most of the time that is).  Enough of those days, and you're bound to hit your stride sometime. 

I'll leave you with this final thought.  I hadn't hit my stride in quite a while.  I was un-motivated and down.  I didn't want to workout anymore and I didn't want to care about what I ate.  Then a very dedicated, educated, hard-working friend sent me a message that really made me think, and quite frankly, quit feeling sorry about myself.  I know that I have a lot of people following me, and wanting me to succeed on this journey.  And the fact that all of you want me to succeed, will ultimately make me succeed.

Thank you to all of you who follow this, and follow me and my example.  Thank you for all of you who will me to win and who force me to be better for me, and for you. 

So lets stop digging these holes, and make some magic happen. 

Until next time, stay strong.

-Brann

Life Lessons & Mother's Day

Again I find myself sitting in bewilderment at how incredibly odd the human body is. I am still busting my ass at the gym and I am learning and applying all that I can in my nutrition and let's just say that there have been some hills and valleys.

This whole experience that I am living right now has taught me a lot of things. And because I feel like some of them may help you or someone you know either today or sometime later down the road, here they are in no particular order:

-Hard work will pay off - but it takes time. You may not see results as fast as you would like, but someone else might.

-Check your ego. Nothing bothers me more than someone using too much weight, with horrible form, just because they think it's going to make them HOOGE. Its not. You look like a douche and you're going to hurt yourself. I've seen guys get more out of their workout with a pair of 20 pound dumbbells than a meathead with 405 on the bar.

-A single piece of pizza, a scoop of ice cream, a slice of cake is not going to completely undo all that you have done in the gym. 250 calories here and there are not going to destroy your diet. There is something to be said for "eating clean" but there is also something to be said for flexible dieting.

-I am no different from you, or her, or him. But, what works for me, may not work for you. What works for him may not work for me. Basically what I'm saying is, there is no "miracle program". There is no " wonder diet". Find what works for you and damn it, stick with it.

-Learn from your peers. Don't be that guy who shuns advice from someone older than you, or younger than you for that matter. I'm not saying take their word as gospel, but in that ocean of BS there just might be a valuable nugget that you'd never heard/thought of.

-Genetics isn't an excuse. Deal with it.

-No matter how hard you try, you can never flex cardio.

-I will never care what your cousin benched in high school, what you saw somebody squat one time or how much you curled once in college. These are stories and are usually exaggerated. Heavily. Focus on you and your goals. Look ahead.

-Be thankful what you have and what you are working on. Whether you know it or not, there are people pulling for you. And you inspire someone. They may not say it, then again they might, but you have a support staff around you. They want you to succeed and they want what's best for you.

This leads me to my closing point. Tomorrow is Mother's Day. And the captain of Team Kyleisawesome has always been my mom.

By birthing me alone, she should have received a medal or something. I'm quite large and she, is not. But even after that, Peg has and will always be a driving factor for me.

When I decided to play football in middle school, "go Kyle go!" When i decided to do strongman, she was behind me 100%. When I went through my divorce, she was with me 100%. When I was lower than I thought I could go, there was Ma, telling me to pick my sorry ass up and get with it (I actually think she said that, with a few more expletives deleted). And when I told her I was starting this insane journey into bodybuilding, she asked what she could do to help.

Mom's are something special. They will stand behind you, sometimes in front of you to support, protect and nurture their baby. And mine is the best at what she does.

Peg would take a bullet for me. I hope she never has to. Peg will defend me with every fiber of her being. I think that I could rob a bank and she would be working on busting me out of jail. But man would she be pissed...

So here's to my Mom and all the mothers out there.

I know that I couldn't ask for a better mother. I hope that I make you proud. Thanks for everything. I love you.

Until next time.

-Brann

Failure. The Key to Succes.

I was hoping to be writing of some sort of success from Granite State Open. I was hoping to write that despite all my obstacles I was able to step on stage and give it my all.

It's a good thing that I said I wasn't afraid to fail, because I did. I fell way short of my goal of the GSO.

Now, that's not due to lack of effort, or poor diet.  There wasn't anything I could have done better or done different.  This is a journey - a long one - and I can't lose sight of the fact that I am coming from near morbid obesity to try and be a bodybuilder. But it doesn't make the failure any less painful.

When I decided to do this, I had one single vision in my head. Stepping on stage with my best friend Jason.  An illusion of grandeur maybe, but it was the vision that I had. I didn't make it, and he place very well and almost won the whole damn show.

That was not a statement of jealousy, it was a statement of pride and a statement of how much more it made me want it.  The fact that I could not be up there digs at me. It makes me think about how much I actually want this.

Typically this blog is just a nonsensical rant of whatever is on my mind at the time.  This time around, its different.  It's not funny. It's not nonsensical. 

I have seen where I want to be.  I know how I need to train to get there.  I'm learning all I can about nutrition to make my body do what most people can't, gain muscle and lose fat.  I am going to go even harder in the gym, and be even more strict on my eating. Though I have failed, I am not giving up. I am not surrendering.  I am not going to say bodybuilding isn't for me, tuck my tail and run. No, this is a passion, and come hell or high water, I will step on that stage.

A good thing that came from my not competing at the GSO, was being backstage. I have been there with Jay several times and each time it becomes more and more useful.  The people you meet, the stories you hear, and the inspiration you get make you want it even more.  These men and women do what most people dream of, and on the day of their competition, to look me in the eye and tell me that I CAN do it. That I CAN succeed. That one day it WILL be me on stage.  It lights a fire that cannot be described with words.

And please remember this, no matter what your goal may be, never quit.  Nothing makes me angrier than hearing that someone just quit.  People who I literally have nothing invested in tell me that they decided not to run that 5k, tell me that they will compete in a show or meet when they feel ready (which typically is never), tell me that they can't eat a certain way because their schedule "just won't let me", I get a little angry inside. Quitting is easy. Succeeding is not.

Never take the easy way. It may seem like  its not a big deal, and perhaps you do have every intention of finishing what you start, but actually finishing, actually succeeding is much more satisfying then the temporary feeling of relief. The road to the top is not straight up and down. But it is worth the time. It's worth the blood sweat and tears. The grind is where character is made.

To those friends and my family who have supported me this far, and the new friends who I met and breathed new life into my goal, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea what it means to me. I am honored and privileged to have you on my journey with me.

This is just the beginning my friends. Stay tuned, its about to get serious.

Stay strong,

-Brann

Progression, Manliness & Father's Day

As I'm typing this I'm just over 130 days out of my show.  Holy crap.  You want to talk about being nervous?  I was playing it all cool until the entry packet showed up in my email.  Now I'm basically losing my mind.  But I'm not afraid to fail.  I have recently listened to a speech made by a fairly well-known bodybuilder by the name of Arnold Schwarzenegger.  He said that you can't be afraid to fail.

Let's be honest here.  I am down from about 400 pounds.  I had been powerlifting for about 2 years and just decided, basically on a whim, to enter a bodybuilding show.  I had never even done an official pose until about 6 months ago.  I didn't know a lot about it (and still have a lot to learn).  I am as green as they come.
To walk into the GSO and expect to take the Mr. Novice title would be a dream come true.  Is it going to happen?  Probably not.  Am I going in there expecting to lose?  No.  I'm just being realistic.  I just want to go in and let them know just who Kyle Brann is.  So I am not afraid to fail.  This is my stepping stone.

With all that being said, I am still dieting down like a mad man.  Steps have been made, and progress has been made.  I'm eating just a hair over 2000 calories a day, and I'm doing cardio six days per week.  Aren't you jealous? 

It is working.  Lots of people have commented and they're positivity and kind words help me a lot.  The measurements and scale are giving me numbers that I am quite fond of and Mike (my nutritionist) is psyched for me.  It seems like I am making progress -- though sometimes it feels like I'm just spinning my wheels.

But that's the way it goes sometimes.  Every day can't be a winner.  You just have to suck it up and work harder.  Be more strict on your diet.  By no means am I saying that this is easy.  It's not.  If it were, everyone would do it.  Everyone would be running marathons, and benching their bodyweight for reps.  Everyone would have shredded abs, and their diets would be clean.  There would be no McDonald's, no Dairy Queens, and no cake on your birthday.  People like me and the gym that I work at would be out of business and offices would close for 2 hours a day so all the employees could go for their lunch time jog.  But this is not the world we live in.

Our world is not easy and to succeed, you have to bust your ass, all the time.  It's getting up at 4:00 in the morning to do your cardio.  It's not saying "I worked out today," so I can have that scoop of ice cream.  It's putting 100 percent into your workout even though you feel weak and you don't want to be in the gym.  Nobody ever go anywhere by quitting.  Remember that guy who quit?  Neither do I.

You frequently hear the expression "man up".  Even girls say this, which I find to be confusing and odd.  It is physically impossible for a woman to man up -- unless she is taking some testosterone supplements then I'm sure you will have that deeper voice and chest hair in no time.  But when it comes to manning up and being a man, I have a few things that I have deemed necessary in order to be considered a man.  They are as follows:

Lift weights.  This is a manly activity, one that I and a lot of my friends engage in frequently. Now I'm not saying that you have to set a world record on bench press, or squat 1000 pounds, but for goodness sake, grab a pair (of dumbbells) and lift them.  In fact, lifting had been my main source of manliness for several years now.  Accepted substitutions for lifting weights are big game hunting, alligator wrestling, lumberjack-ing, and various other dangerous outdoor activities engaged by flannel-clad dudes with beards.
Grow facial hair. There is nothing that screams 'I am a man!' quite as loud as a beard. Other forms of facial hair are acceptable.  Just grow something and if you're going to have just a mustache, make it a handle-bar, put some wax in it or at the very least shave it into the shape of the Barman symbol.  If you don't, a moustache can be just plain ol' creepy.
Fix, solve, rebuild.  I am not handy, but I can make somethings work.  Every man should have the ability to fix something.  I don't care if its getting the bathroom door to stop squeaking or re-assembly of a turbine engine, find a problem, and fix it. If you can't fix it, rebuild it.  Use duct tape and a hammer.  I've found both of those to be invaluable tools.
Drive a stick. This one can apply to rules of being a woman as well (though I have not made this list yet).  Everyone should be able to drive any car.  Now I'm not saying that you can jump out of your buddy's civic and hop in the cockpit of an F-16, but you get the picture.  Knowing how to drive a standard can be your last alternative to getting home or standing outside a bar in the Dirty Lew when you're the DD and your friends car is a 5 speed -- this is of course assuming that you don't have any money for cab fare, and who wants to leave their car, alone, overnight, in Lewiston?

So, now that I have finished pontificating like a boar, let me remind you that Father's Day is right around the corner.  I have always looked up to my dad.  Even though I'm sure I have been a turd minimally three-billion times to him, he has always been proud of me and stood behind me no matter what the circumstance.  For a long time he was Kyle Brann's Dad.  Now I'm known as Gene Brann's son, and that makes me proud as hell.  My Dad has always been the manliest man that I have ever known, and personally I don't think that John Wayne holds a candle to him when it comes to being a man.

This still rings true today.  I still see my dad as this jacked-up dude who can fix anything, lift anything, solve any problem, drive any vehicle, laugh in the face of danger, and grow one of the gnarliest beards I have ever seen.  In my eyes, my dad will always fall somewhere between a lumberjack and Rambo when it comes to manliness.

So, I dedicate this blog to my Father.  I hope that I can be half the man you are someday Dad.  When it comes to my rules on manliness, you set the bar.  Happy Father's Day.

Until next time.
-Brann