I was hoping to be writing of some sort of success from Granite State Open. I was hoping to write that despite all my obstacles I was able to step on stage and give it my all.
It's a good thing that I said I wasn't afraid to fail, because I did. I fell way short of my goal of the GSO.
Now, that's not due to lack of effort, or poor diet. There wasn't anything I could have done better or done different. This is a journey - a long one - and I can't lose sight of the fact that I am coming from near morbid obesity to try and be a bodybuilder. But it doesn't make the failure any less painful.
When I decided to do this, I had one single vision in my head. Stepping on stage with my best friend Jason. An illusion of grandeur maybe, but it was the vision that I had. I didn't make it, and he place very well and almost won the whole damn show.
That was not a statement of jealousy, it was a statement of pride and a statement of how much more it made me want it. The fact that I could not be up there digs at me. It makes me think about how much I actually want this.
Typically this blog is just a nonsensical rant of whatever is on my mind at the time. This time around, its different. It's not funny. It's not nonsensical.
I have seen where I want to be. I know how I need to train to get there. I'm learning all I can about nutrition to make my body do what most people can't, gain muscle and lose fat. I am going to go even harder in the gym, and be even more strict on my eating. Though I have failed, I am not giving up. I am not surrendering. I am not going to say bodybuilding isn't for me, tuck my tail and run. No, this is a passion, and come hell or high water, I will step on that stage.
A good thing that came from my not competing at the GSO, was being backstage. I have been there with Jay several times and each time it becomes more and more useful. The people you meet, the stories you hear, and the inspiration you get make you want it even more. These men and women do what most people dream of, and on the day of their competition, to look me in the eye and tell me that I CAN do it. That I CAN succeed. That one day it WILL be me on stage. It lights a fire that cannot be described with words.
And please remember this, no matter what your goal may be, never quit. Nothing makes me angrier than hearing that someone just quit. People who I literally have nothing invested in tell me that they decided not to run that 5k, tell me that they will compete in a show or meet when they feel ready (which typically is never), tell me that they can't eat a certain way because their schedule "just won't let me", I get a little angry inside. Quitting is easy. Succeeding is not.
Never take the easy way. It may seem like its not a big deal, and perhaps you do have every intention of finishing what you start, but actually finishing, actually succeeding is much more satisfying then the temporary feeling of relief. The road to the top is not straight up and down. But it is worth the time. It's worth the blood sweat and tears. The grind is where character is made.
To those friends and my family who have supported me this far, and the new friends who I met and breathed new life into my goal, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea what it means to me. I am honored and privileged to have you on my journey with me.
This is just the beginning my friends. Stay tuned, its about to get serious.
Stay strong,
-Brann
